Sorry single friends, this post isn’t really for you. Not right now anyway. Someday it may apply & if you choose to read on, I hope that when you need it, this moment of shared life experience will come back to you & bless you.
Married friends – how long as it been since you watched your wedding video? Not looked at pictures. Actually watched the video of your wedding ceremony? (Reception videos are fun, for sure, but that’s not what I’m going after with this post, either.)
Do you remember the last time you watched your wedding video?
If the answer is ‘no’, or ‘never’, or you can’t remember, you need to plan a movie date soon.
When days are hard, when you go through valleys are deeper than you knew they could be, or when you’re just having an extraordinarily draining week, watch your wedding video. Together. Take the 20 minutes, sit down with your spouse, turn your phones off and watch it.
This moment is a pure reminder of what you felt for each other – the most overwhelmingly and authentically outward sign of love you may have with one another (in front of an audience, anyway). Hold hands. Hug on each other. Remember the words you said, the vows you took and the way you felt about your partner that day.
I dare you not to squeeze each other tighter when you hear words from your ceremony that talk about good times and bad times, about growing together, about shared joys and sorrows.
If you are reading this & you are secure in your marriage, watch this video & tell your spouse how much you appreciate their selflessness and effort in helping to build a happy, healthy marriage.
If you are reading this & are going through a difficult situation external to your marriage, watch this video & remember that you aren’t going through anything alone. God gave us family to cling to during times of distress. If you don’t cling to each other – who will you cling to? Experience this difficulty together and allow God to grow you closer as you persevere.
If you are reading this & your marriage is going through a tough season, this may be a more difficult challenge. I understand that. Honestly, I do. As my first marriage was disintegrating, I attended a wedding of some good friends from college and sitting through that ceremony was HARD. It was painful. I heard each word, each vow, each promise as a fraud. As a joke. As a mockery. I didn’t believe that two people could ever really promise those things to each other. No one can promise things they don’t understand. What my life had become was so far from what I would have chosen for myself, even though I had chosen to marry and I had been betrayed.
Here’s the thing: all of those feelings were true. Those promises had been made a mockery. But what it took me longer to realize was that the vows hadn’t done that – my spouse’s choices had.
If you are struggling in your marriage, I urge you to discuss with your spouse watching your wedding video and honestly talk about any feelings you have while doing so – positive and negative. Use ‘I’ statements and be sensitive to each other’s feelings. Instead of saying, “you don’t ever support me when I’m going through something”, say, “I remember how supportive of me you were while we were dating and that really helped me. I hope you felt the same. I miss that about our relationship” or “I miss the way we used to look at each other” in lieu of saying “You never look at me like that anymore.” A little communication will go a long way and may help you to refocus on why you ended up married in the first place before you are so immersed in negative feelings and experiences that you can’t remember the positive ones.
So, pop some popcorn, grab some Twizzlers & Kleenex, and watch your wedding video as often as you want to feel schmoopy or earnestly need to reconnect to this day. It’s so worth it.
Donita Westman 